It's late and I should be asleep but I have too many thoughts going through my head right now. I feel like I've blogged a lot this month but I guess that's okay because these posts are for me anyway. Two years ago from today I found out I was pregnant. I'm still in disbelief when I think about my initial reaction. Addie Rae has turned into one of my greatest blessings. I tell Danny several times a day that "I really like her". I'm in awe at how quickly she picks up on new words everyday. She makes me feel lucky. My heart truly aches for those who long to become parents. I don't know what I would do without my little girl.
Being a mother to my little one feels like a do over. Growing up I didn't really have that mother daughter relationship everyone else seemed to have. I was often jealous of what appeared to come so easily and naturally to others. For the first part of my childhood I grew up being raised by maids and nannies. After that it was my stepmom and although I can say we are closer now that hasn't always been the case.
I think there's more to why I was so scared two years ago when I saw the positive sign. I was scared I wouldn't be a good mom. I worried I wouldn't be able to play that role because a part of me didn't understand what that role was. Addisyn has taken all those worries and fears away. I still have fears of course but they're different now. Those fears no longer have to do with my abilities. Addisyn has changed me. Because of her I look forward to future children. Because of her I LOVE being a mom.
Addie means more to me than she'll ever fully understand. I feel 100% blessed to have a daughter I get to be there for. Thank you sweet girl for this bond we get to have. I love you with all my heart and I'll never let you forget that. :)
